Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck

I don't know why, but after years of longing for the mere thought of being in a relationship now induces sickness pangs. When someone tells me they love me with a romantic connotation or demonstrates interest it makes my skin crawl. There was once a time when I fell easy and hard for anyone who showed me the slightest bit of attention and seemed kind. My motto for now is until I can put love in the bank, use it to pay for student loans, or buy film with it, I have no interest. I'm done with crying, hoping and losing myself in the process of trying to make something work that isn't meant to be. Maybe the kind of love I've been saving myself for doesn't exist. Maybe something greater than what I wanted awaits. I don't care either way, I'm at ease and only interested in living for myself at the moment.