Love Your Shotgun

I recently came to the realization the only people I have ever been intimate or had significant relationships with have all been alcoholics, and/or nursing some sort of substance dependency, emotional manipulative, abusive, and worse of all just lackluster artists. I mean the poetry, short stories, shitty concerts I have been force to sit through has made me want to puke and gouge my eyes out simultaneously. I once dated someone who wrote such terrible erotica people compared reading it to being raped, before deciding rape was less painful. I feel like a have a huge capacity to love and have wasted so much energy and time on experiences and individuals that did nothing, but reaffirm how terrible I felt about myself. My biggest detriment is I fall in love too easily, often and unfortunately with anyone who pays me any sort of attention. I am sick of investing all I have in these ridiculous relationships and people. I would love nothing more than one day be in love and hopefully have children, but I am exhausted for lack of a better phrase having my heart trampled on and am interested in pursuing purely physical relationships at the moment. What I find frustrating is after I explain my current perspective to some of my friends they tell me I don't want to be like that or I really want a relationship and should keep waiting or I can't do that, because I'm a good girl. So because I am willing to have causal relationships now negates the fact that one day I would like to be in a relationship and have children or because I'm open about my sexuality I'm bad? I am a complex human being and happen to want a variety of things often at the same time and don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone anymore.