• Round About Midnight




    These photos were taken looking outside my window sometime around midnight. I have been at home thinking a lot. As ridiculous as this sounds I have been watching reality TV and actually learning something. My drug of choice ironically has been Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. A show I initially watched out of boredom I now find really compelling and an impetus for self-evaluation.

    I have thankfully never struggled with any addiction, but I do recognize my own capacity to lose myself in something or someone that makes me feel good. I see a lot of myself and the women in my life in the cast. I have family members and close friends whose stories of sexual abuse are so parallel to what I see on this show its slightly surreal. So many people I meet have this image of sexual abuse that is so removed from everyday life its almost comical. The reality of just how everyday such occurrences are is far more disturbing than most people's preconceived notions about the subject. Recent statistics are suggesting 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men in their lifetimes will be sexually assaulted and the majority of those incidents will go unreported.

    Although I have never been sexually abused, I first witnessed sexual abuse when I was 3. I grew up with a father I was often terrified of and with sexual predators in my family. In all honesty, I spent the majority of my life terrified of men and am just recently learning how to build healthy relationships. Much like the people on this show, I have at times used my sexuality to receive validation, been more terrified by intimacy than the act of sex itself. I still struggle with feeling unworthy of a healthy relationship shutting myself off from people that really care about, because I am at times incapable of caring about myself. I have spent the past few years learning how to try and recognize unhealthy situations and behaviors and try to correct them. I make many mistakes, but am nothing if not a work in progress.

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